A voice? My thoughts? I don’t know. But suddenly that became the loudest thing in my head. I tried to flip it—focus on nipple that just dey pop into my thoughts. But no! That voice swallowed everything. My heart started beating hard.
Panic. I sat down.
“You hear the voice, don’t ignore it,” the pastor said.
Choir master picked up the mic again and continued singing.
But that thought lingered all day. I tried to shake it. Even tried alcohol. Nothing. It was loud!
That night, I finally considered it. Would I really die if I gave up sex for a year?
I said a little prayer: “Father, give me so-so-so and so, and I’ll give up sex for a year.”
That so-so-so and so was something I didn’t even believe I could get. I figured, if it never happens, I could just slip back into my ways.
Sigh.
May God save our souls. This life too sweet and I have sweet tooth.
Almost immediately, Sarah—my consultant friend that stays with me three nights a week—called to say she’d be staying with her friend that night.
Thus began many cold, cold nights of sleeping alone.
Few weeks later, I watched as so-so-so and so started becoming reality. I was born in a Christian home where we were taught that if you ask God, He will answer—and if He doesn’t, it’s not time. Don’t question. Just be grateful and move on.
But then you leave home and life starts happening. Your faith gets tested. You begin to wonder… is life just random? Is it really God blessing me—or just my own hard work?
Do I thank God because I was taught to—or because I’m scared that if I don’t, He’ll collect it back?
Was He truly the one that took me out of those hard times?
Am I stupid for not grabbing opportunities just because they “don’t feel right”—even though they’re perfect shortcuts?
Is God really the one to thank? Who is God? Does He even care what I do?
Do I believe? I don’t know.
